i'm a little scared...

...of having a failed subject again.

nagka-trauma ako nung first time kong magkaroon ng bagsak. madaming nawala sa akin: dancecom and orange days, being a regular student, trust ng parents.

suuuper daming nanghinayang nung bumagsak ako. take note, major subject pa yun: ACCOUNTING; pinakamamahal na finact 1. kung sila nanghinayang, ako nanlumo at nadismaya sa buhay ko.

ngayon, bumabalik yung panganib na magkaroon ng red mark sa class card. ngayon hindi sa major. minor subject lang na nagme-major-major-an: IT131-1.

me database management system kami. under ng so-it department. kaya medyo nahihirapan ako kasi di ako ganung kagaling when it comes to computer stuffs, lalo na kung pang IT yan.

kaya nung me topic about normalization, ni isa wala akong naintindihan. i needed the help of my friends to understand the topic.

ok sana kung panay seatworks, recitations, and hws lang. kaso me quizzes. dun ako nahahatak pababa. T__T

kanina our prof showed us the grades. and she let us check on them kung tama or hindi. well, tama yung digits sa file niya. nakakadismayang malaman na nasa 55+ lang yung pre-final grade ko. T____T

i need to answer at least half of the questions correctly on the final exam. or least i'm doomed. O______O

pag naka-25 ako, aakyat sa 70+ yung raw grade ko. pero kung gusto kong mas lalong bumawi, i should make it perfect. pero impossibleng mangyari yun.

kaso gusto ko talagang bumawi ng bonggang bongga. kaya magre-review ako ng sobra para sa finals namin.

oh well, towel.

mag-aaral naman muna ako para sa BAR exam naming mga act studes. final verdict na namin sa law kung makakapag-plea for reconcideration ba kami or guilty without reasonably doubt agad ang hatol. hehe.

for MJ

this is a letter for the king of pop. i might not know him personally but at least he affected my life that much.

to the king of pop, rest in peace. everyone will remember you!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Michael,

I first knew you when I was a young girl whose parents were music lovers. Back then they always play different kinds of cassette tapes and they always included yours. I was attached to the beats of your songs, way different from the other songs being played, being love songs, mellow, and slow.

Your songs were really great! I might not know the correct lyrics back then but as I remember I sang them in front of my family during our siesta times, well, with the incorrect words uttered from my mouth.

But I admit that I wasn’t much of a fan. I really didn’t have the chance to know you more as I grew up. But I recall the hits of yours whenever I listen to some old songs which really made me dance to it.

The most memorable song of yours for me are “Heal the World”, “Beat It”, “Smooth Criminal”, and of course, “Thriller”. I saw the videos on a music channel and it did remind me of my childhood days.

I also remember you with your signature moves, the moonwalk and the other one (sorry I forgot what it was called). Also with the fashion you’ve put up, be it with the fedora hats, or the shiny gold in black suits and white socks. Another one is whenever you’re on concert you never forget to let the audience be surprised with your grand entrances on stage in different ways. Those things also left a mark in me.

You might have a very “colourful” life, with intrigues and criticisms around you. But what I can say about a man whose vision is to help the little children through his gift of music? None, for you have helped a hundred thousand with the foundations you have put up.

I think that life have been tough for you. Since childhood you started to perform with your brothers. You never experienced a great childhood, and you did have a skin disease. Sometimes whenever I look at you it’s like I’m seeing an alive zombie, like those from the Thriller video. But you were known with that physique and I respect that.

Now that you’re dead, everyone is sad for your early depart. Even I was thinking that you’re too young to die, compare to the other legendary music icons. Millions of people are now grieving for you, from every corner and territory in the world.

You have made impact in everyone, especially to those who were able to listen to your great songs. Many have been touched with your intentions. And they will cherish a great artist that forever will be remembered.

Thank you for the grooves and the moves, for the beats and the hits, for the fashion and the passion. These things will always be remembered by all, including me. Forever.

May you rest in peace wherever you are.

We all love you.

Love, Angelie

it's sooo irritating!: on feel the groove 2.9

i just now finished watching some parts of the hip hop show in rpn 9 wherein my alma mater was shown.

the episode showed the dance workshop recently held in st. paul makati.

i was excited to see and know that there had been changes made after 2 years since i graduated from there.

but to my dismay i just saw bunch of kids dancing off beat the music and without rhythm.

it was soooo irritating!

but i guess i can't do something about it, though.

i may not have the rights to criticize and judge the workshop generally but i really want to say it out loud: IT SUCKS!

the whole thing sucks, with the songs not fitted to the dance, with some dancers not focusing on stage.

I KNOW THAT THERE IS NO PERFECT CHOREGRAPHY IN THE WORLD OF DANCING.

but at least they should have tried to make it better than just dancing with what they've learned from kuya choi and the other choreos.

like i've said, i don't have any rights to criticize, but i'm just applying what i've learned in orange. and i'm very thankful to them. they taught me how to project and dance with my heat on it.

i respect all the dancers and organizers and the people behind the workshop. but puhhhhlease! don't let it be shown on a national channel if you don't have better moves and sounds.

and refrain from using the title FEEL THE GROOVE. it's been used for 3 years in a row already. besides, i don't feel any groove while watching the dances.

please lang ah.

my facebook is here to stay

current mood: kinikilig over kotoko and naoki's wedding in itazura na kiss at the same time me hang-over sa transformers 2. :D

currently listening to: Neul by Tree Bicycle (OST ng My Girl Original)

currently doing: facebook quizzes. ha!

months ago, my friends, especially the mapuans, told me that i should have my own facebook account. i always answered them "what's the fuzz?" or "why is that so?" and i always got a weird look, as if i am a being from other dimension.

then i saw myself putting my bits of informations in the facebook registration page. dang!

why i resorted myself of putting up my own account? simple, my indonesian friend caroline had invited me and i don't want to neglect it! easy? nahhhh!

i always receive tons of invitations from different social networking sites, including facebook. but i always disgard them. then when i received one from my indonesian friend i hurriedly went to the home page and have an account. what's behind the action? nothing particularly. i just don't want her to feel that i don't see her as a friend anymore.

five years ago i put up my own friendster account. same old reason, it's because of a special friend. but that time it was not croline but it's christopher, my good old special guy from indonesia. he's a crush of mine for 3 years. when he invited me to friendster i hurriedly accepted the invitation, just as what i did to facebook now.

now, my friendster is not that active (ever since it's not that active) and i'm sick of all the applications invites from people there. i'm also bored from the usual comment-type of environment there.

then here comes facebook! facebook really saves my boring hours, just like now. if i'm not bored i'm doing other stuffs, mostly school stuffs. if i'm not, i'm just surfing arounf the facebook sites for the quizzes and surveys which really puzzle me. they're really accurate, 70-80%! it amuses me from all the results of its quizzes.

maybe friendster started out the social networking sites here in the net, but facebook is here to stay. for good! facebook saves the day.

but no site will match multiply. i can upload as many pics as i want! haha!

if i could...

i really really wanted to forget everything about you... as in everything!

but what can i do? i'm a damn girl that can't easily forget. :|

kasi naman eh, every where i look, me nakikita akong toyota car na vios ang model. tapos malapit pa sa plate number na X** **3. tssss. kainis!

tapos andami pang pics na tayo'y magkasama. sooo irritating.

then yung mga memories sa mga lugar. hay.

para ka kasing kabote eh. lulubog-lilitaw. pasulput-sulpot.

nanahimik na life ko bigla kang nagpaparamdam. sakto pang manggugulo ka pag natutulog ako. nasisira tuloy yung maganda kong tulog. (-.-)

tapos ang galing mong manghingi ng favor sa akin. pag ako naman humihingi ng favor di mo magawa. hay. ang galing no?

you're so irritating. you're making the worse worst!

gusto ko nang makalimutan lahat. kaso di ko magawa kasi nga ikaw ay ikaw. darn!

i moved on. already.

but with you communicating me again, i think the feelings grew back. and now i don't know if i can still hold it back.

i am trying all that i could just to stop this heart of mine to beat again for you.

di lang ikaw ang tao sa mundo no! if this heart is going to beat again, sa taong marunong magpahalaga sa akin na.

i am also trying to stop communicating from you. mas ok kesa na umaasa ako na magrereply ka sa kain, di ba?

also, i'm trying not to look for your car, lalo na dun sa isang lugar na common denominator natin. sa isang lugar na di ko maiiwasang daanan. ever since kasi dun ako dumadaan eh.

sabi nga ni dear friend sarah c., save the best for last.

kaya susubukan kong gawin lahat para makalimutan ko yung feelings, but not to eradicate all the good memories we had.

if i could...

it's good to be back here :)

ilang days din ako walang laptop or any entertainment kasi bigla akong umuwi sa bicol.

nung monday dapatmagbo-blog ako about sa confirmed case ng ah1n1 sa mapua makati since naibalita na din ito sa tv patrol nung gabi ding iyon.

kaso ang nangyari bigla akong nag-empake nun at uuwi kami sa albay nung gabi ding iyon.

ang masaklap pa eh di pinadala sa akin itong laptop ko. so ayun, nabinbin yung blog ko ng ilang araw.

nawala na din yung essence ng pag-blog ko nun dahil siguradong madami nang nauna sa akin. hay.

nakakatuwa lang isipin na sa gm ko idinaan yung pag-entertain sa sarili ko. 4 na araw din akong unli nun, kaya sa mga nasesendan ko ng messages, sorry so much! :D

madami naman nangyari habang nasa bicol ako. grabe. namiss ko ang bicol. it's been 3 years nung huli akong umuwi dun. at dahil pa sa pagkamatay ng lolo ko nun. yung kasagsagan ng bagyong milenyo nung september 2006. yun yung panahong nasa bicol at leyte kami. memorable no?

nakakatuwa dun sa bicol. ilang beses ko nang nakita yung mayon volcano pero di pa rin ako nagsasawa kakatingin sa kanya. nung pagdating nga namin dun at di ko siya nasulyapan mula dun sa bus nalungkot ako eh. pano ba naman andun kami nakaupo sa dulo ng st. jude na bus, eh yung bintana nun nasa me legs ko. kaya pag titingin ako sa labas eh ang makikita ko lang ay yung sahig at kalsada. di yung magandang scenery.

buti na lang kahit papaano eh nagpakita din sa akin si magayon. lalo na nung huling araw namin dun. walang ulap na nakapalibot sa kanya. super ganda. eto yung itsura o:

maliban lang dun sa onting ulap eh clear yung langit nun; one perfect time para makuhanan ng magagandang pics si magayon. and i love the results! :)

nung papunta st. jude nga yung sinakyan namin. eto yung itsura nung sa bus nung nasa terminal pa kami:

madilim kasi walang flash. nakakahiya kasi pag me flash eh. :D medyo masikip yung bus. me mga gamit sa gitna ng daanan kaya medyo hirap dumaan-daan dun. kaya nung nagka-bus stop somewhere in cam norte or quezon bumaba kami kaagad at umakyat kami kaagad. hirap kasi kami dahil sa pinakadulo kami.

nung pag-uwi naman swerteng sa philtranco kami sumakay. na-experience ko yung recliner-type na upuan na kung saan ay pwede mong maihiga parang kama tapos me restroom din sa loob ng bus. nakakatuwa kasi first time kong makasakay sa ganun eh. eto itsura namin sa bus:

hahaha! nakakumot kami. medyo malamig kasi eh. :)) pero di ganung kalamig tulad nung byahe papunta kasi umaambon nun. :))

ayun. di ako gaano nakatulog sa byahe. kasi tumitingin ako sa labas ng bintana. ninanamnam ko yung gabing byahe. namiss ko kasi yung ganun eh. sa tuwing umuuwi kami ng probinsya, mapa bicol man o bisaya, pag bumiyabyahe kami ng gabi, lagi akong gising, nakadungaw sa bintana. nasanay ako na ganun lagi ginagawa ko. eh ngayon na lang ulit ako nakabyahe na by land sa malayong probinsya. kaya sinusulit ko. hehe.

ngayong nakabalik na ako sa bahay sa mandaluyong sumambulat sa akin ang 26 messages sa msn account ko na pawang galing sa facebook; 527 naman sa yahoo account ko na karamihan ay galing sa multiply. grabe. ilang araw lang ako walang net tapos ganun karami agad messages ko. nakakatuwang nakakainis. hahaha!

bago pala ako umuwi ng mandaluyong, nung pagdating namin ni mama galing bicol nung sabado ng umaga, dumeretso kami ng bulacan para makita ko yung mga tuta ni bunny. di ko pa kasi nakikita ng harapan eh. ayun, ang kyukyut nila! hihihi. :D

nasa isang album dito yung pictures nila. pero di ko pa rin maiwasang di ilagay ito eh. ang kyut kasi nila! :D

basta. natutuwa ako sa kanila. natutuwa ako na nakabalik na ako dito tapos natutuwa din ako na nakabalik ako sa bicol. :D

di ko alam kung dapat ba akong magpasalamat sa pagkakaroon ng ah1n1 sa mapua o maiinis. kasi kung di dumating iyon di ako makakauwi sa bicol ngayong buwan. pero di din maganda yung naidulot nun eh. nawalan kami ng classes kung kelan medyo hectic na ang scheds kasi magfi-finals na kami. mixed emotions ako pagdating sa issue ng ah1n1. :|

basta ako'y nagpapasalamat dahil nakita ko ulit yung lola kong 3 years ko nang di nakikita. kaya sana maulit yung pag-uwi ko sa bicol. :)

AKO BIKOL! :)

sa tulong Niya matatapos din ito

gusto sana maglabas ng sama ng loob ng aking kalooban pero pinipigilan ako ng aking utak sa kadahilanang di naman magbabago ang sistemang nakaugalian na. mahirap isipin na kami ang naiipit sa sigalot na ito.

lahat ng tao ang tingin sa amin ay nakakatakot, para bang may ketong. kung noong araw kinakatakutan ang mga may ketong, ngayon hindi na dahil may gamot sila. katulad nun, magkakaroon din ng lunas ang sakit ng kalooban na aming dinaranas. aking dinaranas.

gusto ko mang magsalita sa buong mundo, isigaw ang saloobin, eh hindi maari. kung mananahimik naman ako aakalain ng ibang mapanghusgang isipan na kami nga ang salot. kaya di ko alam kung saan tatayo sa aking kinalulugaran. pilit pa rin akong nilulumpo at sinasaktan ganung bagsak na nga ang aking kawawang katawan.

masyadong mapanghusga ang mga tao sa paligid natin. hindi natin alam kung sino ang makati ang dila na nagkalat ng maling impormasyon na ikinagulanta ng lahat. kung sino ka man, isipin mo naman kung ikaw ang nasa kalagayan namin bago mo idaldal sa iba mong mga kauri ang naririnig ng tenga mong makasalanan.

masyado akong natakot sa pangyayaring ito. sa sobrang pagkatakot ko eh parang pinagsisisihan ko ang ginawa ko. pero ano ang magagawa ko. andito na. dito din nasusukat kung gaano akong katotoong tao. inisip kong mang-iwan sa ere pero ano naman ang iisipin sa akin? inisip ko ding kumawala mula sa kanila pero magkakaroon lamang ng latak ang aming pinagsasamahan. dito nasusukat ang aking sinseridad at integridad. pinili ko ang mas tama: ang dumamay at sumabay sa alon ng buhay.

isipin niyo na ang gusto niyong isipin. mapapatunayan din namin na mali ang mga tumatakbo sa mga isipan niyong baliko. di namin kelangang mag-rally o gumawa ng ingay. hahayaan namin na si God ang kumilos para sa amin dahil nagtitiwala kami ng lubos sa kanya. alam namin na wala kaming ginawang masama. at hindi iyon magbabago.

wag naman sana...

i'm scared. terribly scared. now that we have to do check-ups regarding ah1n1. :|

i know it's a precaution but don't scare us like that.

now my mind's blank. i don't know what to do. i even don't know what to tell to other people.

kahit na sabihin na check-up lang, di madali sa akin yun eh.

there are many factors to reconsidered. dun ako natatakot.

i'm not saying i'm positive with it. it just so happened na parang nakakatakot kami.

what are they going to do kung di nakapag-comply, shut us down in the clinic? paano naman yng lessons na mamimiss namin?

ayoko ngang magkaroon ng same case of that sa school tapos ganito mangyayari? have we done something wrong?

sana naman tigilan kami. don't generalize the cases kahit na precautionary measures 'coz you're giving me goosebumps!

another trial post

the first trial post wasn't able to show up on my blogger account. so, here is another one.